• Sincerely, Courtney

How I Became Me and Am Still Becoming Me

Anyone who knew me in 2007 probably thinks I’m a snobby brat that idolizes Paris Hilton. Anyone who knew me in 2011 probably thinks I’m a girl with no standards and lots of baggage that puts all of her business on Facebook. Anyone who knew me in 2015 probably thinks I’m a party animal who is wasting her time in College. Anyone that knew me in 2017 might think of me as a well-educated, go getter that loves to go to the gym. Look at me today and you might know me as a happy, hardworking and dedicated woman.

My, my, my, how I have changed. I have been many different types of people throughout my life. I have lived many different lives and felt many different ways. I have lived through hardships such as being a child of divorce, helping a family member struggle through addiction, living through my own mental health struggles with anxiety, self-esteem issues, depression and hypochondria. But I have also lived through some of the most amazing things that I can barely begin to explain. Like celebrating New Year’s Eve dancing on a beach in Spain at 15, cliff jumping into the Mediterranean Sea in Italy nearly 5 different times throughout my life, raising my puppy baby, having dated three very different guys who have all taught me different life lessons only to find my soul mate in the end and moving my entire life nearly 5 times and starting over.

All throughout my life I worried what people thought of me. I did everything I could to make other people impressed with me. I often became someone that I wasn’t truly proud of and that affected me mentally and physically. I was never truly happy.

As I got older I realized… I don’t need to care what other people think of me to become happy. I just have to BE happy and the right kind of people will like me for who I am. Happiness is who I am.

It took a lot of soul searching to figure out who I am. I have started many different hobbies in hopes to find out who I am and what makes me, me. I took on baking and spent hundreds of dollars on equipment, I wanted to be a Baker. Looking back on that now and I have zero motivation to bake a single thing now a days so that goodness I didn’t commit to that right off the jump. I wanted to run an etsy shop TWICE. Spent hundreds of dollars and only sold one item! Now look at me, here I am again spending hundreds of dollars to start up a blog that who knows how long will last! But I don’t even mind, because I know deep down that I AM BECOMING WHO I AM MEANT TO BE.

One way or another I will get there. The hardships, the amazing experiences, the half-assed hobbies are all just a part of my process of figuring out who I am and what I was put on this Earth to do. But, above all else, I AM HAPPY WHILE FINDING MYSELF. That is what matters.

So whatever it may be that helps you get to who you need to become, get through it. Don’t get stuck living a life that you know deep down is not what you are meant to be living. If you EVER get even a small gut feeling that something isn’t right, chance are… it isn’t. That’s your intuition trying to speak to you. Listen to it.

If you're interested in tagging along with my favourite Pinterest Board for motivation that I've created click HERE

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