Journal Entry #1: I've Been Blogging a Lie
A very close friend of mine, Alexis Toren aka The Babe Abroad told me that I should start publishing my Journal entries. I figured, aside from the incredibly personal stuff, what the heck do I have to lose. So, here's a new series for you: My Failure Journal. I want to normalize Failures, I want to help develop a language around failures so that we learn, develop and grow from them and realize that EVERYONE fails at something. So, here it goes!
When I first started my blog, almost a year ago to this day, I chose my name Sincerely Courtney very carefully. I wanted a username that would remind me to stay true to myself, to be candid, open and honest with my readers and followers. The word Sincere says it all...
adjective free from pretense or deceit; proceeding from genuine feelings.
It's exactly what I wanted to represent. I wanted to share my life with you all. I wanted to help others see the beauty in the disaster. I wanted to stay true to myself and offer myself whole-heartedly.
With that being said, it can be difficult to be 100% sincere all the time. Very often, we are so eager to share our happy moments, our accomplishments and our come up stories. But where the real difficulty lies, is in the moments that aren't perfect. The failures. The challenges. The learnings. The growth. And so, I lost my sincerity a little bit. Rather than going on my stories on Instagram and faking my emotion for the world to see, I just wouldn't post. Because technically I wasn't being insincere that way. But what I was doing was hiding my real life from my online world, and to my followers, everything looked peachy because I would post these amazing moments in my life.
Now, if you met me 10 years ago, I would've been happy to share my challenges, issues and troubles with you. I was your typical 15 year old who thought she had it so bad. I didn't realize that I was in the process of growing, learning and transforming and that these difficult moments were shaping me. It's funny that now as an adult, I know when things don't go my way, it's for a reason, it's a lesson, but, I'm scared to share these failures with the world in fear of judgement.
So here's my oath to you. I will share my failures. I will share them because I trust that someone out there will appreciate the humility. Someone will read about my struggles and my learnings that come from these struggles and they too may grow. We might be able to grow together. At the very least, I will help someone realize that WE ALL FAIL.
So, on that note.. my next Journal entry shall be the challenge that I am currently facing... Starting a career. (Coming March 9th)