Journal Entry #4: Guest: Paige
Alrighty guys, I'm finally falling into a bit of a routine coming onto week 2 of self-isolation (okay "partial" self-isolation, I have been going to my part time job once a week because a girls gotta EAT!) I was so confused my first week and actually missed my weekly entry! I ALMOST forgot about this one but HOW COULD I! I have my first guest writer, Paige. Paige is a mom-blogger extrodanaire from right here in the Okanagan. Her positivity, passion and occasional potty-mouth will have you falling in love with every post. Her blog, Flipping the Paige, helps readers dive deep into the life of a Millennial Mom. Thank you Paige, for your candor, openness and honest insight on failures as a young mommy.
If you want to be featured as a guest on the Failure Journal please don't hesitate to reach out! Anonymous or not, you are welcome, accepted and heard.
"Fail, Fail Again
I first want to thank Courtney for allowing me to share my thoughts with you all, if failure was a subject, I would have honours! The more we speak about them though, the more comfortable we might feel about the process!
I have a fear of failure. For as long as I can remember, I’ve rarely attempted anything that could result in me failing or sucking at it. I’m the most imperfect perfectionist I know, a walking paradox. I need to be good at everything, and if I feel that I won’t or can’t be, I won’t even try. This goes for volleyball tryouts in junior high, trying to lose my baby weight, going to a gym, singing in front of people, etc.
What’s the worst that could happen? I fail and then I try again or I decide that no, that wasn’t for me. But I won’t let myself get to that. I need to thrive, I hate the feeling of not being adequate. This could stem from past trauma in my childhood with my dad or pressure I place on myself, who really knows? But it’s crippling. I never thought much of this fear of mine until I had babies and watched them grow.
I think that as we get older and become adults, we lose our spark. The twinkle, the sense of wonder, whatever you want to call it. I know that I was thrust into adulthood, going to university right out of high school, second guessing my career choice. That didn’t matter though, because what do people do after high school? Get a higher education and then get a job, of course. Become a meaningful, functioning part of society. I struggled so much in my third and fourth years of university, but I sure as hell didn’t tell anyone because what would that make me? A failure.
I graduated, moved to a new province with my now hubby, got engaged, got married, and then we had our kids. Having them reminded me what it was like to be a child — boundless curiosity, fearlessness, determination, and failure after failure. But also so much success! We take for granted so many things that are mindblowing and also major milestones for little ones. Learning to roll over, to crawl, to pull themselves up, to stand, to walk, to speak, etc. I’ve watched both of my children attempt skills time and time again, literally falling down and getting back up hundreds of times. Did they ever quit? Of course not.
No matter how many times my kids fell down, they never stopped trying to get back up. To take a step, to walk across the room, to run. Could you imagine if babies decided, “forget it, this walking thing isn’t for me.” What would the world even look like?! I don’t want to know, ha! But my point is, imagine if we applied that same level of determination to our lives now. If we attempted anything and everything we dream of, with fearlessness and never-ending passion and will. Think of all of the amazing things we could achieve?
I wonder at what point in our lives does that sense of curiosity and relentless motivation dissipate? It’s honestly a tragedy! My children are my teachers, and I have never learned more in my life, not even in those four years of university. Next time you find yourself around a kid, pay attention. You could learn a thing or two!
I’m still afraid to fail, but working on it every day, taking baby steps. Ha, see what I did there?"
- Paige @paigerpalooza